English FA to announce new coach of the English national football team?

9/2/2012

photo (c) wikimedia commons & Micky
Will Clarence the Clown be named the new England head coach?

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Sources close to the English Football Association believe that England's football governing body is close to naming the new coach of the England national football team following the February 8 resignation of Fabio Capello.

With calls from the English press to appoint an Englishman to the job, it seems likely that Clarence the Clown is the best qualified man for the job and will be named the new head coach in the coming days.

If appointed, Clarence the Clown will not be the first high profile English clown to coach the England team with Graham 'Do i not like that' Taylor (1990-93) and Steve 'The Wally with the Brolly' McClaren (2006-07) bringing their unique individual blends of fun and tomfoolery to the England side during their tenures.

4 Comments

Miks

9/2/2012 05:32:32

I think you may have mis-identified him. According to his big red badge, he is 'Toddles'. I assume that is Glenn Toddles, the prodigiously gifted former player who lost his last managerial post after he suggested trapeze artists deserved a pie in the face for pratfalls they might have taken in a previous life. He was fired - as indeed was the human cannonball soon afterwards. It will be hard to find another manger of his calibre.

More Than a Game

9/2/2012 06:23:27

Miks, i think you may be correct. i think our sources were trying to protect Toddles from the inevitable media circus that is soon bound to follow. It is also possible, of course, that Toddles has changed his name to Clarence as this is a more 'English-sounding' name.

Geordie Robin

9/2/2012 10:05:29

I recognise that chubby face, despite the heavy make up, it's Brian Barwick, former FA Chief Clown, minus tache!

Bumbling Brian (with a capital 'B') would have to go back to the FA in disguise because:

- it was on his watch that Wembley opened 12 months late.

- he then appointed clueless coach Steve McClown who went down as the worst England manager in history, losing almost a third of his matches and failing to qualify for the 2008 European Championships along the way.

- 'Second choice Steve' only got the job of course after 'Big Phil' Scolari turned it down in farcical circumstances, after comedy duo Brian 'the Buffoon' and his sidekick Simon Johnson flew out to Lisbon in an amateur attempt to get Big Phil's name on a contract, four weeks before the World Cup while he was managing Portugal. There were reports that Scolari demanded twice the amount scribbled on a napkin in the Lisbon Sheraton, and the duo had been spotted boarding the plane for Lisbon prompting a tabloid frenzy. Portugal's Prime Minister got involved and Scolari's kids were tormented at school, told that their Dad was going to betray Portugal, so not surprisingly he went off the idea and poor Brian was left skulking about with his tail between his legs after suffering the equivalent of a pie in the face, but somehow he avoided the sack.

- Undeterred, baldy Brian boldly bounced back and went on to give the FA's television rights to England home matches and the FA Cup to ITV and Setanta in a botched £425m deal. The Premier League had a similar deal with Setanta but did not suffer from the collapse of the Irish company's UK arm because it had parent-company guarantees. Barwick's FA, needless to say, did not, and FA accounts revealed that the omission left a £60m black hole in its operations. Doh!

- The figures for the FA's commercial operation on 31 December 2004, the day before bungling Barwick joined, and 1 January 2008, when he left, also tell a tale. The 2004 turnover was £201.4m; four years later it had fallen to £183.75m. "You can only measure your success by what it was like before you joined. I'm in no doubt the place I left was in far better order.", Brian Barwick, 2010.

Who said, "Never trust a slaphead who has facial hair?"

It has been said that to call him a clown would be insulting to the real clowns. Was he blinded by the media circus?

Still, despite all this clowning around, nobody would disagree that he is a nice guy, especially the folks at Billy Smart's who have benefitted in recent years from the experience he gained at the FA, apparently enthralled at the effortless manner in which benevolent Brian plays the fool.

Of course the last laugh is being enjoyed by the man who appointed Capello, who is clearly no clown.

"A winner with a capital 'W'", said then Football Association chief executive Brian Barwick announcing Fabio Capello's appointment.

There won't be any tears from this big-boned clown. He's not bitter, who are the losers now?

Red Ken

14/2/2012 06:48:14

It's Boris Johnson!

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