JUSTIN WALLEY
  • More than a game
  • One Football No Nets
  • Some thoughts from me
  • My travels in sport
    • Copa America 2015 Chile
    • Sierra Leone 2013
    • Euro 2012 Ukraine
    • Copa2011 Argentina
    • Rugby World Cup 2011
    • Africa 2010
  • About me
    • My life in football
    • My life travelling the world
    • My journalism work
    • My first published book
    • My life philosophy
  • Contact
    • My media pages
  • More than a game
  • One Football No Nets
  • Some thoughts from me
  • My travels in sport
    • Copa America 2015 Chile
    • Sierra Leone 2013
    • Euro 2012 Ukraine
    • Copa2011 Argentina
    • Rugby World Cup 2011
    • Africa 2010
  • About me
    • My life in football
    • My life travelling the world
    • My journalism work
    • My first published book
    • My life philosophy
  • Contact
    • My media pages
Search

Rugby World Cup 2011 New Zealand

And adventures in the South Pacific

Shaven by a Samoan lady boy

24/11/2011

0 Comments

 
Picture
Tuesday, November 15 (Day 77 continued)
Apia - Mananoa

I’ve got a lady boy gently shaving hairs from my right knee.

This will really help. Trust me.

What new madness has Apia served up this time? Well, rewind back to the all-out-war between the schools at 2pm and I will explain. I’m in Apia to sort out one or two things and then try to head south before the final buses of the day depart. Firstly, I pay a visit to the Polynesian Blue office. You may recall that the airline refused point blank, after 55 days of deliberation, to refund any of my money for my two no-show travel companions. To make matters even more annoying they are now telling me that I must pay them some extra cash to check in my backpack. Yes, I’ve got tickets to Auckland for three people but they won’t allow me to even use my two extra tickets to check in a bloody bag free-of-charge. This is beyond the pale as far as I’m concerned so instead of dealing with some joker in a ‘customer service’ office in Australia, I’ve decided to talk to the airline’s representatives in Samoa. They will consider my case and get back to me on Monday morning.

Across the road is the Central Bank of Samoa. I’ve popped in here to pick up a set of uncirculated coins. For seemingly no apparent reason, Samoa has decided to change all of its coins and notes this year. It means that currently there are two different kinds of coins and notes in dual circulation. Yes, there are two different kinds of 10, 20 and 50 sene coins and two different kinds of one and two dollar coins in punters’ pockets as we speak. The same applies to 5, 10, 20, 50 and 100 tala notes.  

They also decided very recently to change the side of the road they drive on from right to left. I guess there must be some rationale for these decisions, but you also might assume that the Samoan Minister for Funny Decisions just decided to enact these new laws after a particularly heavy evening of 5pm clubbing in Apia.

Picture

Instead of taking a couple of minutes I’ve wasted the best part of an hour at the central bank. Consequently, the high street banks have now closed (3pm), meaning I can’t change my euros, and I’m in danger of getting stuck in Apia for the night. (Not that this would be any bad thing)

As I leg it to the bus station I’m suddenly overcome by a strange premonition that something crap is about to happen. I slow down, sensing that I need to keep my wits about me and, just like that, I trip over a divot in the pavement and go somersaulting up into the air. I guess this all lasts less than a second but as I’m hurtling upwards I’m trying to calculate how I can land to cause the least damage. But as I try to cushion my fall on my side I realise that I haven’t compensated for the 20 kilo bag on my back. I hit the pavement with a double jolt and roll over to see the knee of my best jeans has been ripped wide open. A crowd of a dozen or so Samoans are gathered around (in silence), no doubt wondering why this silly palagi is cursing himself and then taken what must seem like the rather bizarre decision to further injure himself by taking a temper-tantrum fuelled kick at a nearby wall. Shite, my knee is split open, with blood pouring out everywhere. 

So, here I am, down some dirty side alley at the back of a Samoan fish market pouring water over my knee, cleaning my wound up with cotton wool buds and applying alcoholic hand sanitizers, whilst scolding myself aloud with a few choice expletives. Do you have any plasters please? I ask members of the gathered crowd. Somebody points to the medical clinic I’m lay crumpled up in front of; the medical clinic whose divot in the pavement caused this accident. I crawl inside the front door and am greeted by a guy best described as a Lady Boy. Do you have a plaster please? Yes, sure, but let me just put some cream on that cut. 

How kind of him.It’s a muggy November Tuesday, 20,000 kilometres from home, and I’ve got a Lady Boy shaving my right knee so he can put some antiseptic cream and a plaster on my wound.

Thanks mate, see you!

Special discount for you. Normally, 50. For you only 40.

I assume he means 40 sene for the plaster and get out a 50 sene coin.

No, 40 tala, sir.

FFS, if the gay lord doesn’t want 15 euro for putting a plaster on my knee. That’s the pay for 20 hours manual work in Samoa. As I’m inside his clinic I can’t argue too much. I’ve been shaven and ripped off by a Lady Boy. He’s probably the first true capitalist I’ve met in this country.

As well as buggering up my knee, ruining my best jeans, smashing my sunglasses and getting ripped off and shaven by an absolute gay lord, I’ve also missed the bus. There is apparently one late bus for workers but now I’ve got to sit on my rucksack for two hours fighting a running battle with flies and knats, which are trying to find a way into the uncovered cuts on my hands so they can lay their lovely eggs.

With a cloud of exhaust fumes trailing a couple of metres behind us, our bus struggles for 20 minutes up the steep hill that serves as the inter island road to a spot high above Upolu which is inhabited by a colony of very scary looking dogs. Apparently, many of the island’s least loved dogs are regularly dumped here by communities that no longer need their presence. Over time they form packs but I’m told that some individuals do come up here every day to make sure they are regularly fed. There are lots of expensive churches up here as well as fantastic views of the northern coast. One of the houses of God belongs to the Bahai, the religious sect that worships all world religions within their own belief system. There are only seven other Bahai temples in the world; the religion said to have originated in Persia in the mid-nineteenth century. There’s a touch of space age sci-fi about the temple’s design. From here the bus flies down the hill (it could be done in neutral) for ten minutes or so until it reaches the southern coast. 

I’ve arrived during the nightly 6-7pm prayer curfew. If you arrive in a village during this hour, you are expected to sit on the ground and wait for the hour to finish before you continue on your way. It is another of those lovely small details that helps make Samoa so different from other countries. Home for the night is Maninoa Surf Resort, a collection of simple beach fale that share the same attractive beach and lagoon with two adjacent luxury resorts, where the going rate is around 400 US Dollars per night. I guess the rooms must be gorgeous but I could have ten nights of paradise at Maninoa Surfers’ for the same price these punters – mostly from the US and Oz – are paying for a single night of luxury. 

My only neighbours are a very nice 40-something German couple, who help me to further clean up my injured knee. The German lad has had to drive all the way back to Apia to get cash out of one of the city’s ATMs after they discovered it is only possible to settle your bills here by cash.   

At dinner I'm joined by a nicely-spoken German girl, who is teaching at one of the local schools, her butch Samoan boyfriend and an elegant Aussie lady who lived and worked in Samoa 6 years ago. She’s back on holiday and hanging out with her former students who are enjoying a couple of days away from school by the sea. Her head is spinning as she observes her old students all grown up. Maggie is working with Aboriginal communities in Australia to try and improve their lot. She tells me that the Aborigines are still considered as the lowest of the low by white Australians. Government policies, education curriculum and general propaganda are all aimed at keeping the Aborigines firmly in their place at the bottom of the food chain. 

Try talking to most white Australians about this, Maggie says, and you will find they are in complete denial of what is going on. They will tell you that Aborigines have been given land and money and they are still ‘lay about alcoholics and drug addicts’. 

Australia is stuck in the nineteenth century when it comes to the Aborigine question, Maggie tells me.

Academies are only finally being created that might allow the Aborigines to be educated in a way that both satisfies the needs of the Anglo-Saxon education model as well as the very oral-oriented nature of Aborigine culture. It is only natural that Aborigines should be suspicious of an Australian state education system that only helps perpetuate the myths and lies about the island of Australia’s history. For anybody that wants to learn more about the treatment of Aborigines during the 1930s, you should check out the film Rabbit Proof Fence:

We enjoy the school kids entertaining us with some theatre and then sit next to the waves and stare out at the stars – one of my favourite South Pacific pastimes. With me regularly questioning reality of late, we spot not one but two small fireballs in the night sky over the course of just thirty minutes. Many people never see a fireball in their entire lives; only the usual thin flash of a shooting star. To see two in the space of thirty minutes in the same area of sky, viewed from the same Pacific beach is downright bonkers
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.



    Photos, stories and videos from the New Zealand 2011 Rugby World Cup & the sunny paradises of Fiji and Samoa


    Picture

     

    Picture
    Picture


    Archives
    Access all the blogs from New Zealand, Fiji & Samoa by clicking on the archived months below:

    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    June 2011

      Contact 
      ​More Than a Game:

    Submit

    Key word search 

    All
    100 Pig Fine
    2000 Fiji Coup
    2003 Rugby World Cup
    2009 Tsunami
    200 Billion Galaxies
    2010 Fifa World Cup
    2011 Copa America
    2011 Rugby World Cup
    2014 Fifa World Cup Play Offssamoan Football Team
    2014 Fifa World Cup Qualifiers
    23 December Earthquake New Zealand
    30 December 2011
    4 July 1892
    8.1 Magnitude Earthquake
    Abel Tasman
    Aborigines
    Accents On The Park
    A Clockwork Orange
    Adam Neate
    Afu-A-Au Waterfalls
    Agadoo
    Aganoa
    Aganoa Beach Retreat
    Aggie Grey's
    'aiga
    Air Pacific
    Alduous Huxley
    Alofaaga Blowholes
    American Iguana
    Americanization
    American Samoa
    American Samoan Football Team
    Anarchist
    Anglo-saxon
    Antarctica
    Anthony Burgess
    Antony Micaleff
    Apia
    Apolima Strait
    Argentina
    Argentina Rugby
    Argentina V Scotland
    Armistice Day
    Arthur Conan Doyle
    Asau
    Auckland
    Auckland Airport Motel
    Auckland Horse Racing
    Auckland International Airport
    Australia
    Australia V Usa
    Avalanche City
    Ayia Napa
    Azuri
    Bahai Religion
    Bangkok
    Banksy
    Banyan Tree
    Barefoot Lodge
    Base Hostel
    Bath
    Bbc
    Beachcomber
    Beijing
    Bill And Ted
    Bjorn Heidenstrom
    Black Brown White
    Blowholes
    Bournemouth
    Brazil Carnival
    Bread Fruit
    Bring Back The Sun
    British Empire
    Bros
    Buenos Aires
    Buffalo Bar
    Bula
    Bure
    California
    Canal 4
    Captain Cook Cruises
    Captain James Cook
    Caqalai Island
    Castaways
    Cathay Pacific
    Catholic
    Catlins
    Cayman Islands
    Cemeteries Of London
    Central Bank Of Samoa
    Chemtrails
    Chicago
    Chickpea Curry
    Chris Ashton
    Christchurch
    Christchurch Earthquake
    Christian Congregational Church
    Christmas 2011
    Coldplay
    Conde Nast Magazine
    Contepomi
    Cook Islands
    Cook Straits
    Copa America Blog
    Coral Coast
    Coral Reef
    Coral View Resort
    Cork
    Cornwall
    Coventry
    Crab Racing
    Cricket
    Croydon
    Curio Bay
    Daily Mail
    David Choe
    Daweqa
    Da World Famous Craterman
    December 21 2012
    Denarau Port
    Desenchantee
    Dodgy Birds
    Dolphins
    Dormitories
    Drawaqa Island
    Dunedin
    Dusky Lodge
    Dusky Lodge Backpackers
    Earthquakes
    Easter Island
    Eat Pray Love
    Eden Park
    Ends In The Ocean
    England 67 Romania 3
    England Rugby Team
    England V Argentina
    England V France
    England V Georgia
    England V Romania
    England V Scotland
    Environmental Disaster
    Estonia
    Eugenics
    Euro Breakup
    European Championships
    European Football Championships
    Existence
    Fa'afafine
    Faafaine
    Fa'a-samoa
    Fa’a-Samoa – The Samoan Way Of Life
    Face Paint
    Faile
    Falealupo
    Faroe Islands
    Fast Show Sketch
    Female Sex Tourism
    Fiafia
    Fidel Castro
    Fifa World Cup Blog
    Fijee Experience
    Fiji
    Fijian Military Coups
    Fiji Gold
    Fiji Independence
    Fiji Time
    Fiji V Samoa
    Finland
    Fireball
    Fjordland National Park
    Fluoride
    Fox Glacier
    Fractional Reserve Banking Bomb
    France 17 New Zealand 37
    France V New Zealand
    Franz Josef Glacier
    Franz Josef Yha
    Franz Jozef Yha
    French Polynesia
    Fruit Bats
    Ft
    Galway
    Gary Speed
    Geckos
    George Orwell
    Georgia V Romania
    Ghost Town
    Global Pharmaceutical Industry
    Gobi Desert
    Greymouth
    Guam
    Guatemala
    Haka
    Hamilton
    Hammerhead Shark
    Harry Enfield
    Hawaii
    Heart Disease
    Hillary Clinton
    Hindu
    Hornets
    Hotel California
    Huntsman Spider
    Hyatt Regency
    Iceland
    Incheon
    Indiana Jones
    Indian Food
    Indonesia
    Inter City
    International Dateline
    International Date Line
    International Federation Of Netball
    Into The Wild
    Into The Wild Movie Trailer
    Iran
    Irb
    Ireland V Russia
    Italy V Usa
    Jack Daniels
    Jane's Fales
    J D Salinger
    Jersey
    Jet Star
    John O'callaghan
    Jonny Wilkinson
    Kaikoura
    Kaikoura Beach
    Kaikoura Peninsula
    Kaliningrad
    Kate Ryan
    Kava
    Kea
    Kiev
    Kirikiti
    Kiwi Experience
    Ko Pha Ngan
    Korean Air
    Ko Samui
    Lady Boy
    Lady Samoa Ii
    Lake Baikal
    Lake Taupo
    Lano
    Leauva
    Lebanon
    Leicester
    Leonardo Dicaprio
    Levuka
    Levuka Masonic Lodge
    Lighthouse Family
    Lomaiviti
    Lonely Planet
    Lord Of The Rings
    Los Pumas
    Lost World
    M25
    Machete
    Manase
    Mango Bay
    Mango Trees
    Maninoa
    Mantaray Island
    Manu Bay
    Maori
    Mark Cueto
    Marlon Brando
    Matai
    Mathew Vaea
    Maverick
    Max Keiser
    Mcdonalds
    Megabus
    Melbourne
    Merchandise
    Meteor
    Mexican Standoff
    Mike Tindall
    Milford Sound
    Mitre Peak
    Money Laundering
    Mongol Rally
    Monty Python
    More Than A Game
    Morethanagame.info
    Morris Hedstrom Trading Store
    Moscow
    Mount Fuji
    Mount Matavanu
    Mount Silisili
    Muslim
    Mylene Farmer
    Nadi
    Nadi Bay
    Nanuya Lailai
    National Express
    National Geographic
    Naviti Islands
    Navoti Landing
    Neil Diamond
    Nelson
    Neo-liberals
    New Caledonia
    New Zealand
    New Zealand Bands
    New Zealand General Election 2011
    New Zealand Sheep
    New Zealand Wine
    Ngarunui Beach
    Ngauruhoe
    Niue
    Nomads
    Nomads Hostel
    North Island
    North Korea
    Nuggets Point
    Obesity
    Occupy Detroit
    Occupy Movement
    Oi You! Collection
    Otago Stadium
    Pacific Ocean
    Pagan
    Papua New Guinea
    Paradise Islands
    Patterson's Shipping
    Paul Insect
    Perito Moreno
    Philippines
    Picton
    Poland
    Polynesia
    Population Reduction
    Postcards From Heaven
    Pride Of The Pacific
    Prince Charles
    Projects We Like
    Pukekura
    Pulemelei Mound
    Punakaiki
    Punakaiki Beach Hostel
    Queenstown
    Queen Street
    Raffles Hotel Singapore
    Rafting
    Raglan
    Rainforest
    Reality
    Rebuilding Christchurch
    Reef Sharks
    Rena
    Robert Louis Stevenson
    Romanian Rugby Team
    Rotorua
    Royal Hotel
    Ruapehu
    Rugby World Cup
    Rugby World Cup Blog
    Russ Abbott
    Russia V Italy
    Rwc Daily September 10
    Rwc Daily September 13
    Rwc Daily September 14
    Rwc Daily September 15
    Rwc Daily September 16
    Rwc Daily September 17
    Rwc Daily September 18
    Rwc Daily September 19
    Rwc Daily September 20
    Rwc Daily September 21
    Rwc Daily September 22
    Rwc Daily September 23
    Rwc Daily September 24
    Rwc Daily September 25
    Rwc Daily September 26
    Rwc Daily September 27
    Rwc Daily September 28
    Rwc Daily September 8
    Rwc Daily September 9
    Sacred Heart Church
    Salelologa
    Samoa
    Samoa Loses A Day
    Samoan Bank Notes
    Samoan Pyramid
    Samoan Reggae Christmas Rap
    Samoan Rugby Team
    Samoans
    Samoan Slap Dancing
    Sangatoka
    Satan
    Savaii
    Scotland V Georgia
    Sea Breeze Resort
    Sea Lions
    Seals
    Sea Stacks
    Self Sufficient
    Seoul
    Sex Tourism
    Shanghai
    Sheep Shearing
    Silvio Berlusconi
    Sipi Tau
    Siva
    Skiing
    Slap Dancing
    Smugglers
    Snowboard
    Solidarnosc
    South Africa
    South Africa 87 Namibia 0
    South African Shanty Town
    South Africa V Samoa
    South America
    South Island
    South Pacific
    South Pacific Chief
    South Pacific Clams
    Soviet 5-year Plans
    Speights
    Spirit Of The Pacific
    Ss Mauritania
    Stanley Kubrick
    Star Mounds
    State Propaganda
    St. Helen's Rugby
    Stopwaroniran.org
    Submarine
    Sulu
    Surf
    Surfing
    Surviving A Tsunami
    Suva
    Svalbard
    Switzerland
    Sydney
    Tajikistan
    Tanu
    Tasmania
    Tasman Sea
    Tatiana Motel
    Taufua
    Taupou
    Tavewa Island
    Te Anau
    Teletubby
    Te Papa National Museum
    Texas
    Thailand
    The All Blacks
    The Beach
    The Catcher In The Rye
    The Catlins
    The Cook Islands
    The Guardian
    The Kennedy Regime
    The Maori
    The Mayans
    The North Sea
    The Pentecostal Church
    The Philippines
    The Shirt 2010
    The Solomon Islands
    The Specials
    Tierra Del Fuego
    Tim Nice But Dim
    Toby Flood
    Tokelau
    Tonga
    Tongariro
    Tongariro Crossing
    Tonga V Japan
    To Sua Ocean Trench
    Touch Rugby
    Trafalgar Park
    Travellers International Airport Motel
    Turangi
    Tuvalu
    Uefa Euro 2012
    Uk Public Sector Strike
    Ukraine
    Ukraine 2012 Blog
    Ulan Bator
    Upolu
    Usa
    U S Turkey
    Uzbekistan
    Vailima
    Vancouver
    Vanuatu
    V-bar
    Vietnam
    Viti Levu
    Wales V Fiji
    Wales V France
    Wales V Namibia
    Wallis & Futuna
    Walt Disney Cartoon
    Wanaka
    Wanaka Yha
    Waterfalls
    Website Optimization
    Wellington
    Welsh World Cup Squad
    Wer Wenn Nicht Wir
    Whale
    When Will I Be Famous?
    Wi-fi
    Wish Lists
    World
    World Trade Organisation
    W T O
    Yellow-eyed Penguins
    Yellow Sea
    Y-not Bar

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    Picture
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • More than a game
  • One Football No Nets
  • Some thoughts from me
  • My travels in sport
    • Copa America 2015 Chile
    • Sierra Leone 2013
    • Euro 2012 Ukraine
    • Copa2011 Argentina
    • Rugby World Cup 2011
    • Africa 2010
  • About me
    • My life in football
    • My life travelling the world
    • My journalism work
    • My first published book
    • My life philosophy
  • Contact
    • My media pages